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if you’ve been struggling for quite awhile now in figuring out what you want to do for work, what is your purpose, and how you can make money at fulfilling work that feels good…

you are not alone in this!

from coaching hundreds of people on figuring this out, i have some helpful insights for you so you can see that all your struggling means you are exactly on the right track, and what to do about it. And… I promise you do get through the hard part at some point, just like the image of this arrow.

you see, i think unfulfilled people have a hidden perception or belief that goes something like “finding my purpose is hard, but once i find my purpose and i know exactly what i am meant to do with my life, everything will be easy…i will have everything all figured out.”

ironically, it is the opposite that is true!  finding your purpose is the easy part.  it’s doing it, living it, actually BEING it, that is hard (which is why you unconsciously avoid finding it).

it’s sort of like physical health.  you know what to do to be healthy, you should eat vegetables, drink water, move your body, sleep and meditate, etc.  The hard part is doing it 🙂

what if i told you that when you find your life purpose:

  • it might cause you to divorce your spouse; or get back together with an ex-spouse
  • you might have to move states or countries; or move back home
  • you will move on from 9 in 10 of your current friends and coworkers
  • you will estrange yourself from your family; or you will become loving friends with your family if you’re already estranged
  • you’ll have to start your first business or organization
  • you will have to shut down your current business if you have one

like a forest burning now, leaving ashes, so that a new, fresh forest can grow.

and the best part is that when your forest burns down and you’re left are living more on-purpose, guess what?  it’s the best thing that’s ever been ‘hard to do’ in your life.   (the hardest things in life – like a divorce, bankruptcy, etc. – can be the most rewarding, later.)

why? because I know when you get through the (next) hard part,  your life is more fulfilling and rewarding.

so, even while I’m saying it’s ‘hard to live your purpose’, it’s even harder not to live it at all – like being trapped in a dying relationship or business.  in the end, it’s totally worth the challenge and life changes, because then everything gets aligned and can flow… but it can take years to get there… that’s where the ‘hard part’ comes back in.

i could go on, but here is the point: for most people (not all), “who you really are” is very different than the “who you are currently being/living”.

so if you find your purpose, your life will get turned upside-down over the course of 1-5+ years, while you change your whole life around so that it reflects who you really are… (don’t get me wrong, eventually you’ll live a get through it and be glad you did)… but until then…

this is scary shit for most people!

hence the importance of baby steps, meeting supportive people, and building your self-acceptance and confidence.

if you’re struggling with finding your purpose, that is the good news, because it means you care about it, and it’s an early step in the process.   i’d only be worried about you if you weren’t struggling, because it’d mean you are apathetic.

so what to do?

the best step: talk with NEW people!   this is hard to figure out on your own.  usually it’s not that helpful to reach out to current friends and family, as they are more interested in keeping you ‘the same’ and know you too well…except if they are the super-supportive types.

what are some key steps to start with?

here are some suggested Unique Genius resources:

good luck, and remember “finding and living your purpose” is a lifetime, never ending process.  no matter where you get to or what purpose you discover, there is always something more beyond it, a ‘next level’…you never finish it.

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[Update: we’re also now expecting a new baby girl in Feb 2012!]

Have you ever had a perfect day?

A recent one was my wedding on May 8th, when I married Jessica Henning Ross.  The day was incredible on its own…and even more so since it came together so quickly (in less than two weeks), naturally and was fun!

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We enjoyed the planning of it, the wedding day itself, and afterwards.

A Few Reasons Why I Love Being With And Married To My Wife Jessica

  • We make each other laugh every day!
  • Jess is the most honest, authentic and inspiring person I know – I and anyone else around her grow and learn through osmosis 🙂
  • We have a lot of fun and fulfillment in parenting our two kids, Valentin (6) and Aurora (8)…even though parenting often feels challenging for both of us
  • We totally support each other in living our dreams -I help her, and she helps me (it’s not unbalanced)
  • We can be 100% ourselves and authentic and open with each other (no secrets)
  • Our relationship only gets better with time, as we get to know each other and share more and more of life’s downs and ups
  • We celebrate together all of life’s “little things” that makes us happy…our inside jokes, funny moments, stories and such
  • I know Jessica and I will grow as partners, not break, from the challenges that life will share with us in the coming decades
  • We get to shoot more guns, fly more helicopters and do other fun stuff together as she launches and grows her Unique Genius business Bond Girl Bootcamp, helping women have fun being badasses and growing their confidence!
  • Jessica doesn’t buy into the “happily ever after” BS fairytale myths about getting married and having kids…she knows what real life is like, and how to have fun TODAY and make a real-life relationship work.

Heh I could go on; now back to the wedding…

Planned In Two Weeks, On Budget and Lots of Fun!

In mid-April 2011, we decided to get married in early May 2011, yes just a couple of weeks away.  Why do that, instead of wait six more months?  the best way I can describe it was that we were called to do it…and it worked out perfectly.

Leap and the net will appear.

We ‘threw a rock’ and picked Sunday, May 8th for the wedding, giving us about two weeks to put it together.  Beyond that, we knew we wanted it to be small, fun for us, and not break our bank (less than $10,000).  Who wants to wake up after a wedding and start a new life with a mound of bills or debt that could take months or years to pay off?

Anyone who’s planned a wedding should think “Two weeks!  Are you kidding?”  Nope!  If you give yourself six months to plan a wedding, it will take six months.  If you give yourself two weeks to plan it, it takes too weeks.

Everything came together naturally, through a combination of ‘doing the legwork’ of putting the pieces together, plus trusting that no matter how it came together, it would be fun and perfect.

In fact, people who came were amazed, that it felt as if we’d planned it for months.  (Yes, I am patting my wife and myself on the back here, ha!)

Once we picked a date, other puzzle pieces could fall into place.  The “hardest” part at first was finding a venue, because so much of the planning depends on it.  We wanted to stick to a budget of $5,000-$8,000, and many places we looked at were $2,500 and up, and while nice, didn’t have that “we want to get married here” feeling for us both.

Luckily, or as fate would have it, a little more than one week before the wedding, Jessica ran into someone in an elevator who told her about the Santa Monica Annenberg Community Beach House…which ended up being PERFECT!  We rented the attached “Marion Davies” guest house there.  Not only could we get married on the beach, they had a venue right there for the reception, they had plenty of orange sun umbrellas (buddhist orange and white were our wedding colors), plenty of parking, and it was much less expensive than any place else.  It was a no-brainer.

Everything seemed to “choose us”: the dress, the makeup & hair, my ‘suit’, the people, the ceremony, the caterer and food, everything.  In each case, we would look at some options, be patient, and at some point one option would surface as the clear, best one.

We really didn’t struggle much at all.  There were some times where we had some anxiety about everything coming together – such as not having a venue and caterer until a week before the wedding!  However, we kept choosing to believe that it would all work out perfectly and that we couldn’t get it ‘wrong,’ no matter where it was, what her dress was, or what was served as the food.

One thing we didn’t do beforehand was register.  That wasn’t important to us at the time.  After the wedding, we started making some travel plans and registered with TravelJoy…a honeymoon travel fund.  We believe life experiences are more important than stuff, especially for the kids.

I feel like there are lots of business and life lessons here in putting energy into a project while letting it unfold naturally without forcing it 🙂

Fun With Guns

For my impromptu ‘bachelor party’ i went shooting with casey berman of LeaveLawBehind and eric galen of Music180:

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(By the way, I did both the above videos in about 20 minutes each, for free, in Apple’s iMovie 2011 on my MacBook Air…their movie templates are great!  Speaking of which, of course I had to get an “Air”, ha!)

The Ceremony – & A Big Surprise!

Jessica had asked if we could spend some money on a surprise at the wedding.  Little did I know she’d be escorted out to the ceremony area on the beach by a troupe of Chinese Lions and performers! Now THAT was an incredible wedding entrance!!

Some other highlights:

* I can’t explain how much love and excitement i felt seeing her walking down the beach pathway, in her perfect, simple white dress, with our two kids leading the way, escorted by the Chinese troupe.  It felt incredible.  This was also one of her favorite parts.

* Our friend Christie Cole led a 5-minute buddhist chanting session to start it off…I have to believe no one there’d ever done that at a wedding!  It set the whole tone for the day of doing it our way, fun, peace, surrender and meaning.  it was a perfect way to start the ceremony.  (If buddhist chanting intrigues you, check out the 10-million strong SGI organization, which my wife is a part of.)

* Another best friend, Rich Walker, agreed to be our minister.  Iit took him a whole 60 seconds to officially become a minister online through the Universal Life Church).  By the way, I recommend Rich’s new book.

* Our vows (download here to read) were originally written by my Unique Genius business partner/exec asst (and entrepreneur / life guide) Kristine Sloane for her wedding.  By the way, thank you Kristine for taking such great care of me!

* During the vows and ‘I do’s, I either cried or was about to, looking at my wife and best friend, someone who feels like a twin soul and that we’ve been together in other lifetimes.  I felt incredible and in so much love…

More Pictures: see the whole album of wedding pictures on Shutterfly.

Our photographers were the fun and talented couple of Danial and Kendra of Triple Scoop Photo – we highly recommend them!

Jessica’s Favorite Parts

I asked Jess to share some of what were her favorite parts of the day:

  • “Walking down that long walk and just looking straight at you, with everything happening around, I just kept focused on you.”
  • “The approaching with the music, seeing all of our friends everyone clapping.”
  • “When we said our vows and seeing you almost crying.”
  • “When you grabbed my hand at the top of the house when we walked out for the first time as husband and wife.”

Yes, yes and yes 🙂

The Future

I can already tell how much I’m learning from having fun and being a husband and father, and that what I learn from family life will be a big part of my writings and teachings.  For example, there are many parallels between my CEOFlow book and in guiding a family.

If you can inspire adults, you can inspire kids, and if you can inspire kids, you can inspire adults – people are people!  It’s funny seeing how much we have in common, and how much I and other adults can learn from kids and in being parents.

Want To Learn, Connect & Grow With Us?

In addition to my blog, I have started a subscription-based, intimate newsletter called “Fresh Air”  (‘air’ is my nickname).  It’s a place I can easily share more often and ‘in the moment’ the the little things during a day that lead to big business and love/family breakthroughs – and the parallels between the two.  I will also be sharing details in it on how to grow a business while traveling with family, as we plan on doing this year.

To sign up, go to:

If you want to find out more about Jessica and her business, check out

Thank you!


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The Unique Genius Superheroes Interview Series is about ordinary people who have created businesses they love around their purpose.

Everyone has a purpose (or “calling”), and there are always ways to turn your purpose, any purpose, into a business you love. It’s easier to live your purpose daily when you do it for work!

Today, I’m interviewing Cath Duncan, Creator of Agile Living.  Her purpose is to help entrepreneurs and professionals to be more adaptable, resilient, motivated, confident, creative and clear in their work.

She calls it ‘agile living’ because the people she works with know how much their work affects other areas of their life – they know that life and work changes often go hand-in-hand when you’re looking to create a better quality of life for yourself.

Last year, Cath and her husband got pregnant after being married for 12 years… and after a few months, as they got incredibly excited, before she was born, they learned the baby’s heartbeat had stopped.  Also, she learned her kidney challenges could prevent her from ever naturally having a child.   She’d lose her daughter, a vision of motherhood, and her energy and inspiration.   Cath just recently started “coming back to life” after grieving for five months.  We talked in depth about these topics, and how it especially related to her as an online entrepreneur…

Here’s some of what we covered in the interview:

  • how she transitioned from being a social worker to online entrepreneur
  • how her pregnancy hurt her kidneys and put her and her daughters life at risk
  • what it was like to find out her daughter’s heartbeat at stopped
  • a big fear while grieving and slowing down in life – “im getting left behind”
  • how after 5 months of grieving and no motivation she decided she’d have to find inspiration again
  • how ALL of us are “half-baked” (works-in-progress)
  • the ridiculous and unfair comparisons we make on facebook (“compare and despair”)
  • undoing her beliefs about what it takes to be happy and successful
  • how we can heal from the most awful things

Cath also shares how the simple practice of walking became a big part of her life.

Listen To Or Download The Interview

Want to download the interview?

Click here to download…

More About Cath Duncan

About Unique Genius

There’s a process to discovering your purpose and turning it into a business. Find out the latest at

How Have You Dealt With Loss?

Please leave a comment!

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hi there,

it’s been awhile – in my mind – since i’ve written you.

i started to feel some guilt over it, as in “i need to write you again” in a blog post.

but you didn’t even realize i was ‘missing’ and hadn’t written you for awhile until i came back and told you i was missing, right?


i made up all the “i should write” guilt in my own mind.

all your guilt and “shoulds” you make up in your own mind. you create it all for yourself.

  • i should look for a new job
  • i should start a business
  • i should work more/harder
  • i should make more money
  • i should have more fun
  • i should be a better parent
  • i should write another blog post
  • etc etc etc

sometimes it is better to take action and do something (like writing a blog post).

sometimes it is better to do something “internally” to tell the ‘guilty voice’ in your head to SHUT UP… maybe literally, or by going and playing, by meditating, or whatever your own practice is to retrain your mind…such as studying and practicing patience. (patience is such an under-appreciated quality, in both life and business!)

no matter what, guilt is toxic and the more you can let go of it, the happier, fearless & more productive you’ll be.

i’ve been working for years to create a “guilt free zone” in my own life and in pebblestorm.  it’s a ‘great work’ in progress 🙂

i would love to eradicate guilt…but in the meantime, like an unwanted visitor, i’ll settle for letting it visit less frequently, and when it does pop up showing it the door faster.

speaking of which, in a couple of weeks i’m re-opening the Unique Genius Superhero Program.  the Program is actually a bundle of four courses (“Light Your Fire”, “Discover & Declare Yourself”, “Make Your First Dollar Through Your Purpose & Passsions”, and “Make As Much Money As You Want”).

so if the idea of creating work around principles like patience, baby steps, trust, fun and integrity is appealing, 1) keep an eye out, and 2) check out the training videos that are up on

you can make money through enjoyment!

in gratitude ‘n’ good stuff,


aaron ‘air’ ross